The Hearth has been quiet this month, with summer holiday happenings. We don’t need a fire in the grate in these warmer months, but let’s make a quick campfire outside and I’ll tell you a story in this voicenote.

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We each opt for quiet when the alarm goes at 5:30: Paul moves downstairs to empty the dishwasher alone in silence and I stretch then sit at my desk. I light a candle, read some prayers, some beautiful words and scribble in my journal.

But do not be mistaken, this is no Quiet Time, instead this is my ‘Time of Quiet’.

I laugh about this, but the subtle rebrand helps me to claim this rhythm as my own, moving away from the weight of expectation that it’s former title bore. Words in the Spiritual Practice (or wider religious) vocabulary that can jar with us when our faith has shifted: discipline, intention, virtue. These words can feel laden with guilt and obligation.

In seasons of faith evolution, theology can feel complicated, certainty becomes impossible and gathered worship may raise more questions than answers. Spiritual practices which have fed us in the past become sources of irritation or confusion instead of comfort and connection. And yet, embodied practices are prompts that keep us turning our heads, hearts and feet towards God in the midst of the mess.

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I hope April has been kind to you.

I’m here with a simple offering today, as my April has been both kind and busy. I took a fortnight off during the school holidays with my family which included swimming in the sea in Hove, reading on many a train journey and rich time with dear ones. Adventures, nature, memories made with my people: holiday goals met.

I’m also finding my feet in a new life rhythm this month. My charity sector work has shifted a little as I’m working more hours in my new role of ‘Family and Community Worker’. And in other ‘outside Substack news’, over the past few months I have been training for my first Marathon in Edinburgh on the 24^th of May, which I’m running for Myeloma UK (here’s my sponsorship link if you’re so inclined).

This post is from The Hearth, my gathering spot for those of us who find ourselves at the edges of faith or church. These posts are for paid subscribers only, but if you’d like to join me here and can’t pay, please send me a message and I will happily gift you a subscription.

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I wonder how this Holy Week is finding you? Maybe there’s anticipation, indifference, confusion. I’m noticing the loud and quiet of life this week: the bustle of the end of term, and the hope for a moment for contemplation. As I wrote here last April:

Every year I try to mark Holy Week in a way that is authentic and for the past few years attending a service on Good Friday has become a tender touchpoint. My questions and doubts have felt heavier some years; I’ve lugged them along to services, stashing them under my seat or scattering them on the ground in prayer. Good Friday confronts and the cross is a complex cornerstone of my faith. I lean into these days curious about how I feel about this now; how does this story feel in my hands and heart this year?1

This month I’m thinking about the journey of faith and the changes that happen along the way. I’ve got some imaginary snatches from my journal and some resources I’ve found helpful. As we gather at the Hearth I want to look you in the eye and tell you that it’s normal to ask questions and grow and change. As Sarah Bessey wrote in her book ‘Out of Sorts: Making Peace with an Evolving Faith’:

“If our theology doesn’t shift and change over our lifetimes, then I have to wonder if we’re paying attention.”

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The Hearth is a rest for weary pilgrims and hopeful skeptics. There’s much I’d love to talk about in the months ahead, and to hear what you think about: prayer, books, poems, unexpected spiritual practices that have sustained me. But I want to start by telling you why I’m sitting here at the Hearth. I don’t sit here as one with a 5 step guide or guru plans. I am here because I have lived a faith that doesn’t always fit, and I have gazed around for others to share this with.

I find richness in my inner life - everyday patterns of prayer and quiet hold me, comfort and confront me. On my good days, I touch a deep, true place within me where I know God and God knows me (I wrote about this here). I find myself sitting here at the hearth because I also know the Holy work of dredging the questions, pulling them to the surface through layers of defences and shoulds. My faith has deepened and become softer in the process of re-examining and restoring. I have dwelled in this in between space. Believing in God, but not in the way I sometimes hear about on a Sunday morning. Learning to trust my own particular lived experiences of God, but also wary of ‘getting it wrong’. Longing for an expression of communal belief and practice, but unsure how to be there as my authentic self.

The Hearth is for paid subscribers and for the rest of February there is an offer for 25% off paid subscriptions. If you’d like to join me at the Hearth and can’t pay, just send me a message and I’ll give you access.

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