What I've learned this year...
...some birthday reflections.
Well hi there,
I’m so grateful for each of you who subscribe to this corner of the internet. This newsletter is growing and finding her voice alongside me, so thanks for being here along the way.
Micha Boyett recently wrote about what she’d learned in the year leading up to her birthday in her post The Slow Way: A Blessing For The End of Summer.
As I approached my 37th birthday, I was inspired to start a similar list in my notes app. I always enjoy a chance to look back, perhaps this will give a head start to my year end reflections! I’m grateful to get to grow and I wouldn’t return to any of the younger Debbies (although I hold them all inside me), I look forward to the continued deepening into myself.
So here are some of the things I’ve learned at 36 from the mundane to the mystical.
I have learned to take the opportunities to swim outdoors. This means firstly making sure I’ve got my costume and swim towel with me when I know the chance might arise. It means factoring my own hopes and desires into plans for the family. And, what is often the hardest, it means overcoming the resistance to the cold and wet, remembering that it’s always worth it. Last week I had a dreamy swim near York in a Monet Pond among water-lilies with my sister and a shy heron.
I have learned that I am physically stronger than I think. In recent years my body has spent over two years being pregnant, plus another four years breastfeeding. It seems like it’s taken until now to regain trust in her strength. This summer I scored a wonderful barter for a bike trailer to pull the twins along in. I was worried that I wouldn’t be up to the task, but I was and I am. We now love a family cycle, Paul at the front, the two boys on their bikes and then us at the back, the twins waving. The hills are hard work, but I can do it. It turns out I’m stronger than I thought.
I have learned that instead of trusting myself, I have allowed the voices of others to sink in deep and tell me that I don’t know God. This was one of the realisations that gradually floated to the surface in the quiet of my retreat. No one has spoken those words to me, but somehow that was what I swallowed. The hows and ways that I believe have shifted over the years, and I don’t fit in some faith spaces like I have in the past. Perhaps this is why Spiritual Accompaniment feels like such a spacious home. Having a companion for this walk allows me a pause to honestly name from hard and beautiful depths. Together we search for who and how God is in my life now.
I have learned that the Soul Spaces I love to host are works of creativity and hospitality. Like an artist, I look inside myself, and around at the world and try to express something true that I observe. Like a chef, I carefully consider the flavours, the textures, the pace and order of the proceedings. Like a waitress, I invite others in, to set time aside and see what unfolds together. Making things and gathering people have long been two of my favourite things, it was helpful to name these factors in the joy of this work.
This year I have been challenged to stop minimising my Soul Space work. In her Five Subtle Ways Women are Self-Sabotaging Mel Wiggins listed ‘We are not taking ourselves seriously’ and the recognition stung me. I love the work of holding soul space, whether that’s in one to one spiritual accompaniment or groups or retreats or writing here. I find myself often trying to squeeze this work into cracks of time rather than honouring it (and myself) with set apart time. One thing that I seem to need to learn again and again is that I’m more qualified than I tell myself. So this learning is ongoing: to take myself seriously, to invest time to honour the work and to invite others in with confidence.
I’m sure there are plenty more learnings I could glean, but that’ll do for now. I find it tricky to answer these questions head on, but I enjoyed carrying this with me for a couple of months and finding answers slowly. I wonder what you have been learning in your life over the past few months or even the last year? What are your lessons of the moment, from the mundane to the mystical?
As I finish I want to share this piece from Laura Kelly Fanucci at The Holy Labor that resonated with me as I have tried to not turn away from the cracks in our world right now. As Laura says “Whatever practices ground you in humanity, do those now”.
Until next time,
Debbie
Yayyy love this and the twins are so big already!
Yes Debbie! Here’s to all that year 38 will hold too!